MARRIAGE - PREPARATION COURSE

TWELFTH LESSON

Relations Between Husband and Wife,
Pregnancy, Birth, Lactation

The following pages contain truths that are most delicate and sacred; great prudence should be used in discussing them.

INTRODUCTION

From the previous lesson you will have already acquired some knowledge concerning the intimacy of relations between husband and wife. Since it will be helpful to you to have more precise information, these lessons will have as their purpose the shedding of new light on points that have been ignored or misunderstood.

Please note! The topics that we are about to discuss must be treated by you in a confidential manner. It is not your place to educate or instruct your future husband or wife on these points, and we believe that you would run a very serious risk of exposing yourselves to grave danger if you discuss them during courtship. Let each of you obtain his or her own information through the honest and normal means at your disposal ... parents, Marriage-Preparation Course, conscientious doctor, etc.

In the preceding lesson, we explained that the organs of man and woman were fashioned in view of their intimate union. This union required for fertilization must take place in the manner provided by nature. All acts contrary to nature not only involve a serious moral responsibility (See Lesson 11), but are frequently accompanied by disastrous physical consequences.

In this lesson we shall deal with the relations between husband and wife, pregnancy, birth and lactation. Before reading any further, it would be wise to review the previous lesson explaining God’s Plan, and the simplicity and calmness with which this subject should be studied. By its very nature it may perhaps stimulate the emotions but it does not blemish the conscience of a soul properly educated about these matters. “I thought it wrong and a sin to get married,” declared a young woman ... and she considered celibacy a duty of conscience! Quite the contrary: the intimacy between husband and wife was arranged by God. He wanted the marriage act to be such as it is! Why then not seek to view it through God’s eyes?

The Gospel itself, speaking of marriage, draws to our attention the act which follows. “They two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two but one flesh.” is its teaching! Hence the sexual act in marriage is some­thing sacred since God Himself planned it that way. Consequently, we should know how to perform it according to His Plan.

I. RELATIONS BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE

1) NATURE OF AND GENERAL PRINCIPLE

A general principle which should be your constant guide in the question of the intimacy between husband and wife is the following: The husband and wife are free to enjoy corporal union when and as it suits their need and love, with the sole condition that the seed (semen) is deposited in the vagina and that no obstacle is placed in the way of the fertilization which may result.

Let us say at once, this act of union must be a human act. The frequency of these unions should be controlled by reason and true sentiments of love and mutual consideration. Continence should be practised, of course, under various circumstances: such as, during illness, different misfortunes, the last stages of pregnancy, etc. “In the same manner, relative continence is proper during penitential seasons of the Church.” “Elevated sentiments such as duty, love sanctified by Christ, respect and piety abolish sexual desire when the time is inappropriate. We might say, without paradox, that ease in the practice of continence is proportionate to the greatness of the conjugal love.” (Dr. Bon)

2) FEMALE EXTERNAL GENITAL ORGANS

The entire area surrounding the external opening of the vagina is called the vulva. It has the appearance of a mouth with thick lips to the exterior. These are called “labia majora” (large lips). These large lips (3 inches in length) form a triangle with the point (apex) to the back, and with its base at the front of the body. This base is covered with hair which takes its root in a fatty cushion called Mons Veneris, or Mount Venus. Usually, the vulva is closed or very slightly open. It is soft and flabby except during the sexual act, when the blood rushes into the spongy portions, gradually swelling them and thus rendering the area firm.

Protected by the large lips are three distinct organs: a) the labia minora (small lips), b) the opening to the urinary canal, and c) the clitoris.

a) the labia minora: These lips are parallel to the labia majora, and are placed in such a way that one of their extremities touches the apex of the triangle formed by the labia majora. These labia minora (small lips) are very sensitive; they enclose the entrance to the vagina and the urinary canal. It is through the labia minors that the penis of the male passes to deposit the fertilizing seed within the depths of the vagina.

Covering the entrance to the vagina is a membrane of varying thickness called the hymen. This membrane is normally lightly perforated to permit the passage of the menstrual flow (periods) but it is ruptured by the fulfilment of the marriage act. It is a common belief that the presence, intact, of the hymen is a proof of virginity; this is ordinarily so but its absence is not necessarily proof of a lack of virginity, as it frequently happens that the hymen may be ruptured (deflowered) in a perfectly innocent manner, for example, through various kinds of athletics, etc.

b) the urinary canal: Enclosed between the labia minora is the meatus or urinary canal which serves as the exterior utlet of the bladder. This urinary in th- woman is simply an opening and is not a special as is the penis in the male.

c) the clitoris: At the point where the labia minora meet towards the base of the triangle is sound the clitoris. This is a small organ bearing some resemblance to the male penis (although much smaller), and constructed in a similar manner with the exception that the clitoris does not serve as a urinary canal. The clitoris is deeply embedded in the end of the labia minora (the small lips). Its free end, as in the male gland, is extremely sensitive. When stimu­lated, it swells in a manner similar to that of the male penis. This is called the erection of the clitoris.

3) THE MARRIAGE ACT OR UNION

For obvious reasons and in faithfull compliance with the directives of the Holy See, we do not provide a detailed description of the manner of performing the marriage act. The information supplied in these lessons is quite sufficient. If some particular difficulty arises, the wisest plan is to consult a good Christian doctor.

II. CONCEPTION AND PREGNANCY

1) PRINCIPAL PHENOMENA

Deposited by the sexual union (also called coition) within the vagina near the neck which ascends to the uterus, the male seed soon finds its own way to the Fallopian Tubes where it meets the egg of the female. Several hours and sometimes even days (48 hours and occasionally more) may elapse between the union and fertilization. Fertilization does not always take place, the egg not being present or the necessary organic conditions being absent. Because of this absence of the egg, a woman is capable of conception on only 65 days of the year. We shall discuss this int in one of the following lessons.

Reaching the egg, the spermatozoa (the fertilizing ele­ment in the male seed) strive to penetrate it. One alone is successful; the others die. This one spermatozoon pierces the exterior membrane of the egg; the nuclei of the two cells (male and female) draw together and unite to form an embryo (fetus) about 1/125th of an inch in size. From this moment (called the moment of conception), a new being is formed (conceived), having its own soul and possessing in germ the characteristics of the parents from whom it has received its life.

The egg, thus fertilized, continues on until it reaches the womb where it becomes embedded, after about eight days, in a fold of the interior membrane of the womb already prepared for its coming. The egg embedded in the membrane is surrounded by a protective liquid. From this primary cell, which forms the new being, there will emerge by subdivision, many thousands of cells which will make up the perfect human organism. This takes place in a progressive manner. The egg undergoes multiple transformations and the different organs appear one after the other. The embryo takes nine months to develop and reach its full maturity. At the end of the second week, it is yet only 1/12th of an inch in size. Towards the end of the fourth week, the egg (containing the embryo) has the volume of a pigeon’s egg, and measures 2/5 of an inch in length. The heart has already started to form at the end of the third week.

Towards the end of the second month, the egg is about as big as a hen’s egg. At this date the embryo within the egg is 1/7 of an inch long; it begins to take on human form. The head comprises more than one-third of the body; the limbs appear. At the end of the third month, the sex becomes apparent although, from the ouside, it is impossible to determine the sex before birth. After four and a half months of pregnancy, active movements of the fetus can be felt: kicking may be felt by the hand, fetal heart beat about twice as fast as that of the mother. At the sixth month, the child will weigh about two pounds and measure about twelve inches. All this development is unexplainable unless we admit a vital motivating force (the soul) which unites and directs the different stages of development of the organism. Experiments have shown that if we remove parts of the embryo destined, for example, to form the skin, or if we transplant one part for another, the being will reach its full term nonetheless in a perfect state. Since with conception a new life begins, it would be committing homicide to bring about an abortion, that is to say, to employ means to destroy this new life. The murder of innocent, defenceless beings is a crime that draws God’s terrible maledictions on those who resort to such practices.

2) SIGNS OF CONCEPTION

Conception stops the periods (menstruation); this stoppage is one of the signs of pregnancy. It is not a certain proof, however, as the menstrual flow may stop for other reasons (sickness, worry, etc.) On the other hand, in rare cases, the menstrual flow may continue for a month or two after conception has taken place.

Other probable signs aie the following: frequent desire to urinate because of the pressure of the womb (in the process of enlarging) on the bladder which consequently gives the impression of being full; enlargement and sensitiveness of the breasts, the nipples of which become more prominent and surrounded by a brown areola and many small pigmentations, brown spots on the face and abdomen, progressive enlargement of the abdomen with varying modifications of temperament, nervousness, etc., and finally, occasional dental trouble, heart palpitations, etc.

Positive signs of pregnancy become evident 4½ months after conception. These signs are the active movements of the fetus and the fetal heart beat.

3) ESSENTIAL PRECAUTIONS: DIET; PERSONAL CARE

From the beginning of pregnancy it is very important that you consult a doctor in whom you have confidence. Even when there are no particular complications, such a consultation prevents much needless worry and may be the means of avoiding serious trouble. A medical consultation at the beginning of a probable pregnancy will do much to remove from the mind of the future mother apprehensions that might otherwise disturb and frighten her. The husband would do well to attend this first consultation.

Normally, pregnancy should not seriously inconvenience the woman. It is frequently due to lack of knowledge as to what should be done during this time that she experiences distress in the form of headaches, visual disturbances, swelling of the legs and ankles, nausea, pain, weakness, etc.

A correct dietary regime is of special importance during this period. The husband should insist that his wife follow such a regime. It is erroneous to think that a pregnant woman “should eat for two.” She must be careful at this time to avoid over-burdening her organs of evacuation. The kidneys especially must be protected against overwork during these nine months when they have a double duty to perform. This is one of the major reasons why during pregnancy periodic visits to the doctor are recommended.

Regular habits during pregnancy are of primary im­portance: meals at fixed hours, a moderate amount of play and exercise, light housework not requiring the lifting of heavy weights, etc. Relaxation from fatigue should be found in distractions, physical exercise, entertaining books.

A pregnant woman should avoid overworking; she should take plenty of fresh air, sunshine and rest. This does not mean that nothing or next-to-nothing should be done; it does mean simply: the avoidance of extremes that at other times might be permissible, such as late retiring, hard work, strenuous games, etc.

4) SEXUAL RELATIONS DURING PREGNANCY

No radical changes in this respect are necessary unless there has been a previous miscarriage, or unless the doctor has given instructions to the contrary. If, however, there has been a previous miscarriage, or if intercourse is accompanied by pain, total abstinence is required. In any case, relations should be discontinued during the last six weeks of pregnancy as this also removes an occasion of infection in the maternal organs, causing puerperal fever.

5) DURATION OF PREGNANCY; DETERMINING DATE OF BIRTH

Pregnancy usually lasts about 280 days. The date of birth can be determined with fair exactness if you remember the date on which the last menstrual flow started. Suppose it was January 14th. Count back three months, then add 7 days. Thus, December, November, October ... October 14, plus 7 days: October 21. The child will therefore be born about the twenty-first of October.

6) PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS

Throughout the entire time of pregnancy, a normal woman should strive to cultivate and maintain a cheerful disposition.Unpleasant ideas should be banned from the mind, and her thoughts should be directed along pure, noble, and cheerful channels. In the latter period of pregnancy, even if more care must be taken, if activity is more fatiguing, if certain types of work such as using a sewing machine become impossible, if climbing stairs must be done less often, etc., the healthy-minded woman will not get excited or “fly off the handle at nothing” but will preserve her calmness, happiness, confidence, courage and good health.

The husband, for his part, must resolve to be more considerate than usual during this time. Let him ponder reverently on the miracle operating in his wife. He must realize that his own conduct greatly contributes to the well-being of the mother and of the future child. He is already a father and should consequently contribute his share in the formation of a baby of whom he will be justly proud. If, during this time, he notices that his wife has periods of sadness, impatience, talkativeness, negligence, sensitiveness, he must at all costs be extra indulgent. Good humor, patience, and encouragement should be cultivated. The husband must see to it that his wife does not work too hard; he should seek to save her from all possible fatigue and strive to keep her happy and contented.

III. BIRTH

1) THE CHILD AT TERM

The human egg arrived at term consists of a) a container, composed of the placenta and the membranes: b) contents: the fetus which is attached to the placenta by the umbilical cord, and which is immersed in a liquid called the amniotic fluid.

The placenta is a fleshy mass formed by the thickening of the interior membranes of the womb; it is richly endowed with small blood vessels. The placenta serves as a medium of nutritive exchange between mother and child. There is no connection, however, between the mother’s blood circulation and that of the fetus. The placenta does not become evident until about the end of the third month of pregnancy.

The membranes are two in number. One of these membranes (the amnion) retains all the amniotic fluid which encloses the fetus.

The fetus at term ordinarily weighs from 6 to 7 pounds, and measures about 20 inches. The skin is pinkish, and is covered with a fatty substance, called the sebaceous substance. The nails extend beyond the tips of the fingers. The hair may be 2 to 2½ inches long.

The fetus is attached to the placenta by the umbilical cord. This cord is a soft, flexible stem serving as a support to the blood vessels which go from the placenta to the fetus. It comes into existence about the twenty-fifth day of pregnancy. In the early stage, it is short and wide but soon lengthens and becomes compressed. Towards the end of the second month, it presents a coiled appearance. The length varies; as a general rule, it is about 20 inches long, and about as thick as the little finger.

The amniotic fluid is clear, watery fluid. It appears in the second month and at birth there is about a pint of it present.

During the last two months of pregnancy, the mother begins to feel active movements of the fetus. These movements are due to the descent of the fetus into the lower (or pelvic) maternal cavity, and is usually described as “quickening.”

“Following the descent of the fetus, the stomach is less taut, breathing becomes easier, and digestion improves. Sleep is more restful, and the mother has less trouble lying down in a normal position; she no longer needs to have her head raised.” (Dr. Couture)

2) PREPARATION THE DELIVERY

“In the case of a woman who has FOR had one or more children, the descent of the fetus coincides as a rule with the beginning of labor pains.” (Dr. Couture) Therefore, it is wrong to wait until this late hour to prepare the things that will be necessary for the mother and the baby. Everything should be ready before the seventh month of pregnancy.

You will find in Dr. Couture’s book a complete list of all that is necessary for a home delivery ... linen, supplies, different things necessary for the baby as soon as born. This book will also indicate the arrangement of the bed, etc., in the room where the woman is to give birth. If you prefer a home delivery, we draw particular attention on this point to Dr. Couture’s advice: “We cannot but admire the spirit of devotion and self-sacrifice of a number of those women who undertake to replace the absent physician and help the woman in labor with her delivery. It must be said though that practical experience or intensive study of a manual of instructions cannot replace the doctor who has made a thorough and prolonged study, or equal the services of a graduate registered nurse.”

Make sure, at any rate, that your neighbor or mid-wife is healthy, clean, and careful. We cannot emphasize too much the need of the very best care so as to assure health and happiness and the avoidance of infection. In fact, unless the mother’s health is good she will not be able to give the child the care it requires.

3) CONFINEMENT; DELIVERY OF THE BABY

During the last two weeks, pains begin to be felt in the lower abdomen or in the kidney region. They are caused by contractions of the uterine muscles. “They last about half a minute, then disappear completely to begin again with about the same intensity in from ten to fifteen minutes.” (Dr. Couture)

At the end, the pains are accompanied by a slight flow of blood. The final labor lasts from 12 to 18 hours. During this stage the mother should try to be very patient and confident; she should not permit herself to be influenced by the stories of her neighbor’s or friend’s confinement. (The intensity of these pains is frequently exaggerated by fearful anticipation. Hence, an attitude of calmness, cheerfulness, and patience will be of great help at this stage.) Nor should she try to hurry the delivery. Nothing inspires so much sympathy or admiration as the woman in labour who remains courageous, patient, and confident. Particularly should she close her ear to any one suggesting methods of “hurrying the labor.” “Yet, after a certain length of time, the desire to ‘force the labor’ becomes irresistible. A real need ‘to push’ is felt. From this moment, the mother can help herself to a considerable extent by pulling on somebody’s hand, or on a strap fixed to the foot of the bed. This desire to ‘push’ marks the beginning of the last stage of delivery which lasts two hours and frequently less.

At this time, the opening of the womb is dilated and the child begins its gradual descent. In the great majority of cases, the head of the child appears first. We have already described how the fetus is enclosed in a liquid confined by a membrane. This membrane, or “bag of waters” as it is commonly called, ruptures so that we now notice the expulsion of this liquid. Occasionally, the bag of waters is not ruptured until the baby is born; it sometimes happens however before the beginning of labor.

4) CARE OF THE MOTHER AND CHILD

“Normally, the newly-born child be  gins breathing at birth. The sudden exposure of the skin to relatively cool air causes the newly-born baby to take its first breath.” (Dr. Couture) As soon as born, the child moves and cries.

“Ordinarily, the cord continues to pulsate for some time after the birth of the baby. These pulsations are visible and perceptible to the touch.” As soon as these pulsations cease, the cord should be tied about an inch from the navel; then it is cut a little longer with sharp, sterile scissors.

Generally, the expulsion of the membranes, etc., is over within the half-hour following delivery. This is called the “after-birth.”

The doctor or a graduate registered nurse should be consulted concerning a) the immediate care that should be given the newly-born baby; b) the precautions to be taken to guard against infection; c) what should be done in case of asphyxia of the baby; d) the special care of the eyes, mouth, and umbilical cord.

The mother must not be neglected. She should be kept warm, washed with care, and made ready for a rest. Technical instructions must be carried out. The mother should endeavour to be calm and give her body all the rest and quiet needed. Certainly, for the sake of her own health and happiness, she should not seek to shorten the period of complete bed rest that her doctor may deem essential for her. Meanwhile the father will see to it that, during at least the first two days after delivery, very few relatives or friends are permitted to visit the mother; above all, her room must not be converted into a parlor or, smoker.

IV. LACTATION

We shall describe here the physical phenomenon of lactation and its effect on the organism. We shall then indicate the duty, the benefit, and the duration of lactation.

All during pregnancy the breasts enlarge and become more firm. This is the period during which nature prepares the mother for her future function of nursing the child. It is often necessary for the future mother to treat the nipples which are sometimes too flat and underdeveloped. With a little care and proper treatment, the mother can increase their size. Concerning this matter, consult your doctor for further details.

To mothers we would say: Pay no heed to people who tell you that you cannot nurse your child. It is only the exceptional case that cannot do so. Ordinarily, nursing helps the mother to regain her strength. Unless the doctor indicates otherwise, the mother should consider it a duty to nurse her child, and should realize that it is almost invaluable both to herself and to the child.

”The milk will not appear for three or four days after your child is born. During this time the breasts secrete instead a yellow, opaque, nutritious fluid called the colostrum, which has the advantage of being easily assimilated without digestion and which, at the same time, has a laxative effect on the child.” (Dr. Couture)

Nature does a wonderful job in preparing the mother’s milk for the child who should not be deprived of it unless absolutely impossible to do otherwise. Nor can the mother, without personal danger, go against the preparations made for months by nature. “It is nature’s design that the mother should nurse the new-born, that she continue to give her child, now that it is no longer a part of her, the food that Providence has prepared for it, suitable to its frailty. In refusing to fulfil this sacred duty, she herself also runs a risk as the breasts of themselves are unable to dispose of the fluid secreted in them and, as a result, become congested and very painful. An abscess may form in the breast and the termination may be fatal. Frequently, cancer results from the refusal to follow this law of nature.” (Dr. Belouino)

“The ideal food for the new-born baby during the first few months is the milk of its mother.” (Dr. Variot) Often, ignorance of the unexcelled value of the mother’s milk causes many mothers to deprive their babies of it. It must be noted, however, that correct nursing procedure is an art. The doctor should be consulted as to the proper method of nursing. Dr. Couture’s book gives invaluable advice on how to nurse the baby and on the proper hygiene to be followed. The child should not be weaned too soon. Normally, breast nursing should last nine months during the last three months of which the child should be weaned gradually.

If, for some reason, the mother is unable to nurse her child, her doctor should be consulted and his instructions followed.

V. CONCLUSION

The young man and young woman entering upon the threshold of life, find themselves at a time when serious consideration must be given to the future. Is marriage wherein they can develop the gifts. of their physical nature and satisfy its appetite, the state that they should choose? OR, should they choose instead a life of celibacy, devoting their entire time and strength to a spiritual work?

Humans are capable of celibacy because they are capable of great spiritual love ... a spiritual love in which the sexual instincts are to be not only controlled (as in the marriage state) but even foregone entirely. This sacrifice, when made after due deliberation and with sound judgment, causes none of the deterioration of character that is foolishly ascribed to it sometimes. Actually, it elevates and ennobles the personality of those who undertake such a life of self-sacrifice in the service of God and man. Perfect men and ideal women are to be found as well in the wife of celibacy as in the marriage state.

Each person is faced therefore with the necessity of making a choice: between marriage (wherein they devote themselves to the procreation and education of children, finding in that calling the means of their own sanctification and fulness of life); or celibacy consisting of devotedness of the entire being (with all the sacrifices that that may entail) for the rest of life to a spiritual cause. Both have their own grandeurs although virginity (celibacy) is superior to marriage when this celibacy is embraced for a motive of self-devotion to a noble cause.

Each of us, no matter who we may be, must follow God’s Plan along one road or the other according to the call of His Providence. Truly, it is an admirable plan whereby each state of life as willed by God entails in itself neither sin nor lessening of one’s being but rather is a source of perfection and of choice graces!

We shall consider here only the beauty and grandeur of marriage as the state of life that your desire to fulfil God’s Plan has led you to choose. At all times, but particularly when you will become parents, you must remember that God’s Plan requires celibacy in the higher vocations. As a result, you should encourage in your children the idea of the religious vocations, so dear to the Heart of Jesus because of the special love of God that inspires them to embrace such a vocation. Remember, however, that marriage as a state of life (see Lesson 7) must not be considered simply as a means of gratifying the sexual instincts; rather, it demands a creative element, an ele­ment of courage and generous giving of self towards the procreation and training of children for the Kingdom of Heaven.