POWERLINE #8

d: "when the storms of life toss you around, what have you got to hold onto?"
s: grab onto the powerline. hi, i'm shereen holier.
d: and i'm dave clark. friendships are the focus of today's show. 
s: including the kind of friendships that can lead to marriage.
d: we'll look at some recipes for strong relationships and take a look at how our own measure up.
s: and stay tuned for this week's problem letter. a young girl's ambitions come into conflict with her boyfriend.
d: powerline's problem panel has some good advice so don't touch that dial.
s: his name is Ian and that's my favorite emotion. and we are your hosts, shereen and dave.
d: alot of us grow up with the romantic but wrong idea about love. like "i'm so in love with her/him that no matter what happens, we can work things out." there's no doubt that love is the basis to solve problems. but to make a marriage last, your head as well as your heart must work. 
s: early in life, for the first few weeks anyway, the heart is in charge of the marriage. the feelings of love guide the way. but soon the man and wife realize that some things about marriage are not always true.
d: well here are some examples: marriage cures loneliness, marriage makes a person complete, or having a baby will bring us closer together. now those are myths about marriage. statements that i have just made are partly true in themselves but they cannot stand alone as truth.
s: well though we say we marry for love, alot of people marry for other reasons. what do you think some of them are?
d: well some people might marry for fear of living alone. they might marry to get approval of another person or a person might marry to improve him/herself like for money. well some people marry because of sex. well sure, love and marriage go together but the quality of love is shown through time. 
s: a selfish love will soon die. a deep and understanding love will grow and even get better. by itself marriage will not cure loneliness. you can be even lonelier with someone you don't love.
d: marriages that last are built on a strong foundation. the conrnerstone is mutual respect. it involves the ability to share your innermost thoughts and dreams with eachother without fear of being cricized or hurt.
s: so you wanna get married? find a mate that loves you totally just as you are and not one that just wants to love some part of you. do not be in a hurry, decisions like this one should last for a lifetime.
d: that's Geoff Moore with "life together." and our theme is marriage and friendship on today's powerline. we're dave and shereen.
s: coming up, our problem letter. a listener wants to know if she should forgo her desire to become a doctor in order to get married. an impatient boyfriend is building up pressure. what do you think they should do?
boy 1: if she really wants to fulfill her ambition, she must. she musn't let anything stand in her way.
girl 1: and if he wants to be with her, if he's mature enough to wanna get married, then he should be mature enough to wait for her to become a doctor and fulfill her dream.
boy 2: i don't think that getting married when you're in varsity is a very good idea.
d: marriage proposal pressure. our problem panel replies next.  
s: you're on the powerline with shereen and dave.
d: well it's that time of the show when we sort through the mail and have a look at this week's problem letter. it's one of many that the powerline problem panel gives careful attention to.
s: we invite you to write us too if you're struggling with a situation and feel like you've got no one to turn to. keep listening, we'll give you our address in a minute.
d: now onto today's letter. it seems that the pressure of a marriage proposal is on one young lady's mind. her letter starts out:
girl 1: i'm eighteen years old and in love with a guy who is 23. i'm now in varsity working for my goal of becoming a doctor. my boyfriend knows this but here's my problem: he wants to get married right away. i don't like the idea because i'm afraid that if i get married now i may never reach my goals. but i'm worried to that he may leave me for another girl. i love this guy very much, what should I do?
s: at the age of eighteen you're entering the most productive years of your life. at any age, marriage requires many adjustments and the commitment to put the needs of your partner first. our problem panel agrees with your decision to wait to marry until your own basic needs are met. you've told us of your need to finish your education and get a good job. to try to balance this with a new marriage will be difficult, why the rush?
d: if your boyfriend really does love you, he'll understand and allow you to finish what you're starting. if he doesn't wanna wait and you're worried that he'll find another girl, then he's not the right guy for you anyway. love which does not demand it's own way is the purest kind of love. why not test your relationship with your boyfriend by reading 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible. take a look closely at verses 4-7.
s: if your boyfriend really loves you, he'll respect you and wait. your desire to finish school and find work before marriage is reasonable. in fact, your chances of having a happy marriage become much better when these other stressers are behind you. 
d: well i hope our advice will give you confidence to move on toward your goals. there are many young women like you who have allowed themselves to be pressured into marriage too early. they're often the ones who now sit home or have a poor job and are dissapointed. 
s: you're still young! enjoy this part of your life to the fullest. when the time is right for marriage, you'll know it.
d: and that's our problem panel's answer. when i was dating, i just wanted to find someone who would "love me like I am."
d: thats "for king and country," "love me like I am." 
s: getting to know your possible life's partner takes time and patience, understanding and respect. i met my boyfriend when i was only 17, and we got married when i was 23 and the best part about him is that he never pressured me into getting married before that, although he knew that he wanted to. he was 21 and gave me the time to sort out my feelings first. 
d: well my wife and i met and married in our late twenties. we played the field and knew who we liked and what we didn't like. i think the best part of our marriage is that we were best friends too before we became lovers. we spent alot of time getting to know eachother. 
s: that's very important.
d: not quite as much time as you had with your boyfriend. the idea of marriage just evolves naturally.
s: the friendship factor seems important. why don't we turn powerline's microphone around and see what our listeners have to say.
d: we'll do that, right after the next song. 
d: this is steve wiggens with "two sets of jhonses"
boy 1: we just have so much fun with eachother. you know, you can tell eachother anything and she'll like understand and you can talk to eachother without her laughing or putting you down like everyone said. so, it's just someone who you can have good fun with or spend all your time with and they never mock you in any way.
d: now there's a classic song about friends by michael w. smith
s: and that's powerline for this week. if you would like a free transcipt of our talk about friendship and marriage, plus a list of the music used on the show,
d: hit us up on the website @thepowerline.net. it's also the place where you can drop the wiseguys a line if you'd like help and advice on any subject. for shereen holier, i'm dave clark, hope to see you again next week. powerline was originally produced in johannesburg and is a presentation of dc media.