Lesson 18 
 
Grace 
Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others. 
“Happy are the merciful.” (Matthew 5:6) “Happy are the peacemakers.” (Matthew 5:9) 
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23 –24) 
Introduction 
Tonight, we are going to finish discussing Principle 6. We have talked about how to evaluate all our relationships, offer forgiveness to those who have hurt us, and make amends for the harm that we have done to others, when possible, without expecting anything back. 
As we grow as Christians and as we grow in our recovery, we want to follow the guidance and directions of Jesus Christ. As we get to know Him better, we want to model His teachings and model His ways. We want to become more like Him. Honestly, if we are going to implement Principle 6 to the best of our ability, we need to learn to model God’s grace. But how? 
Grace 
The key verses of Celebrate Recovery are 2 Corinthians 12:9 –10 (NCV): “But he said to me, ‘My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.’ So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. 
Then Christ’s power can live in me. For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong.” 
Celebrate Recovery is built on and centered in Christ’s grace and love for each of us. 
Let’s look at tonight’s a-cross-tic: GRACE. 
God’s gift 
Received by our faith 
Accepted by God’s love 
Christ paid the price 
Everlasting gift 
The G in grace is GOD’S gift. 
Grace is a gift. Grace cannot be bought. It is freely given by God to you and me. When we offer (give) our amends and expect nothing back, that’s a gift from us to those whom we have hurt. 
Romans 3:24 (NCV) tells us, “All need to be made right with God by his grace, which is a free gift. They need to be made free from sin through Jesus Christ.” 
First Peter 1:13 (NCV) says, “Prepare your minds for service and have self-control. All your hope should be for the gift of grace that will be yours when Jesus Christ is shown to you.” 
If my relationship with God was dependent on my being perfect, I would have trouble relating to God most of the time. Thank God that my relationship with Him is built on His grace and love for me. He gives the strength to make the amends and offer the forgiveness that Principle 6 requires. 
And how do we receive God’s gift of grace? That’s the R in grace: RECEIVED by our faith. 
No matter how hard we may work, we cannot earn our way into heaven. Only by professing our faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior can we experience His grace and have eternal life. 
Ephesians 2:8 – 9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God —not by works, so that no one can boast.” 
Let me share another verse with you. Philippians 3:9 (TLB) states, “No longer counting on being saved by being good enough or by obeying God’s laws, but by trusting Christ to save me; for God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith —counting on Christ alone.” 
You and I tend to be more interested in what we do. God is more interested in what we are. 
Romans 5:2 says of Jesus, “Through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.” 
Just a word of warning: Our walk needs to match our talk. Our beliefs and values are seen by others in our actions. And it is through our faith in Christ that we can find the strength and courage needed for us to take the action Principle 6 requires: making our amends and offering our forgiveness. 
The next letter in grace is A. We are ACCEPTED by God’s love. 
God loved you and me while we were still out there sinning. Romans 5:8 says, “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 
We can, in turn, love others because God first loved us. We can also forgive others because God first forgave us. Colossians 3:13 (TLB) says, “Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” 
Ephesians 2:5 (NCV) reminds us, “Though we were spiritually dead because of the things we did against God, he gave us new life with Christ. You have been saved by God’s grace.” 
I don’t know about you, but I know that I do not deserve God’s love. But the good news is He accepts me in spite of myself! He sees all my failures and loves me anyway. And the same goes for you. 
Hebrews 4:16 (NCV) tells us, “Let us, then, feel very sure that we can come before God’s throne where there is grace. There we can receive mercy and grace to help us when we need it.” 
Let’s move on to the C in grace: CHRIST paid the price. 
Jesus died on the cross so that all our sins, all our wrongs, are forgiven. He paid the price, sacrificed Himself for you and me so that we may be with Him forever. 
When we accept Christ’s work on the cross, we are made a new creation. We can then rely on God’s strength and power to enable us to forgive those who have hurt us. We can set aside our selfishness and speak the truth in love. We focus only on our part in making amends or offering our forgiveness. 
Ephesians 1:7 (NCV) says, “In Christ we are set free by the blood of his death, and so we have forgiveness of sins. How rich is God’s grace.” 
The last letter in grace is E: God’s grace is an EVERLASTING gift. 
Once you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord, God’s gift of grace is forever. 
Let me read a quote from the Big Book of AA, pages 83 –84: “Once you have completed Step Nine, you will know a new freedom and a new happiness.... You will comprehend the word serenity and know peace.... You will suddenly realize that God is doing for you what you could not do for yourself.” 
And here’s a quote from the real Big Book — the Bible: “And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns” (Philippians 1:6, TLB). 
Also, 2 Thessalonians 2:16 (NCV) states, “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father encourage you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say. God loved us, and through his grace he gave us a good hope and encouragement that continues forever.” 
A great life verse is 1 Peter 2:9 – 10 (TLB), where God says, “For you have been chosen by God himself —you are priests of the King, you are holy and pure, you are God’s very own —all this so that you may show to others how God called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were less than nothing; now you are God’s own. Once you knew very little of God’s kindness; now your very lives have been changed by it.” 
I stand before you as a product of God’s grace. Everyone here this evening who has let Christ into his or her life is also a product of God’s grace. As we model this grace, we will be able to do the work that Principle 6 requires. 
Let’s close tonight with Colossians 1:6: “The gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace.” 
WRAP UP 
What are your fruits? lets pray. 

Principle 6 Testimony 
My name is Linda, and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with sexual, physical, and emotional abuse and codependency. 
I was born in Iowa and raised in a Christian home. My family moved to California when I was four years old, and so I have spent most of my life in Southern California. My dad read the Bible and we prayed together every night after dinner. I attended Sunday school, sang in the church choirs, attended catechism, and went to a Christian school until my junior year of high school. 
I was one of six children, born in the middle of the pack. Our parents took us to church twice every Sunday. I learned from a very early age that God was my friend. I memorized a lot of Bible verses and always talked directly to Him. 
During my high school years, my dad and mom worked hard and left us girls in charge of taking care of the house and getting dinner ready every night. Since I was the oldest of the girls at home, I felt responsible for organizing the workload so everyone would get along. I thought it was my job to make everything perfect and make everyone happy. I used my organizational skills to my advantage to control my siblings. I also learned to be a people-pleaser. I did what I thought would make people happy, like me, and accept me. I didn’t know that codependency would become a crippling issue in my life. My family may have looked good when we went to church, but everybody ignored the real “elephant” that was in the middle of the room. 
My dad had serious anger issues that made us young girls run to our room in fear at times. My mom was the perfect codependent who taught us to wear our masks wherever we went and that we should not talk about things that happened in our house. 
I met my first boyfriend when I was a freshman in high school. He came from a very dysfunctional family, where his dad was both verbally and physically abusive. His mother was another model of codependency. What a perfect candidate for me to “fix”! 
For the next four years, I tried to rescue my boyfriend as he struggled with his dad and his family issues. I thought I could fix him into what I wanted —“the perfect boyfriend” —and I even thought I could make him stop smoking pot. While he was away serving in the Army, he proposed to me, and we were married in 1974. After the wedding, we immediately moved to Colorado Springs, Colorado, where he was stationed. 
Our first few months seemed to be going along okay until I found out that my new husband was still smoking pot with his Army buddies. I felt betrayed, lied to, disappointed, and I was ready to “pack up” and move back to California. As I was making final plans to leave, I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter. I thought, Now I am really stuck! I called out to God to help me through this. My husband begged me to stay, so I set up what I thought would be some realistic boundaries: We would go to church; he could not use family funds to continue in his drug addiction; and he could not stash his drugs around the house or bring them around me or the baby. 
Although now I realize I was continuing to enable his addiction to illegal drugs, at the time I thought that I was in complete control of the situation. Wow, what a codependent I had become, just like my mom. I thought this was going to be the best situation, and at that point, I was able to “let go and let God.” 
Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” 
Over the next eighteen years we relocated back to Southern California where we had three more children. I became a stay-at-home mom with my kids. I had two girls and two boys, three years apart in age, just like I had planned — again the insanity of my control issues. These years were spent “covering up” and “enabling” my husband’s drug addiction. I was constantly making excuses for his missing work, not attending family functions, and not going to church. 
His drug addiction became completely out of control, but whenever I brought it up, it triggered anger in him and fear in me. Essentially, denial took over our lives. I was “settling” for his excuses, because I didn’t want my four kids to have divorced parents. I wanted the perfect family and finally realized that I was living a double life. 
There was our life at church where everyone thought our family was perfect. This was the picture that I wanted them to see. Then there was the life at home where nothing was perfect. My denial had completely consumed me and my life! I felt powerless, that there was no hope for me beyond the life I was living. The daily verbal and emotional abuse was overwhelming. This was the same pattern that I had seen many years before. 
Then one day, while in a drug-induced rage, my husband attacked and raped me. I told him the kids were in the room, to which he replied, “Good, they can stand and watch.” I felt ashamed, powerless, completely embarrassed and humiliated. 
A loving friend said to me, “Look what you are doing to your kids. What you are exposing them to will cause them to end up hating and blaming you one day.” Which it did. 
But as I’ve heard at Celebrate Recovery, “It takes three things to cause change: Fear, Pain, and Catastrophe.” 
My life had become one in which I feared my husband; I was in pain due to the abuses. 
And the rape —that was the catastrophe! Now I had the perfect storm, but still it was hard for me to make the final decision to end the marriage. 
I suggested we go for counseling. We always went together for one or two sessions, but then he stopped and said I was the one with the problem. We went through four different counselors and heard the same answer from them all: “Until he is ready to change, nothing will be different.” I finally understood that this was the end of our marriage. It was time for me to change, but how? 
I did follow through on the divorce, but life was not easy for years afterward. I became independent and worked both a full-time job and any extra house-cleaning jobs I could find to provide for me and the kids. I was filling my life with resentments over all of my issues and all of the denial that I had lived with for so long. Guilt was taking over. 
Well, my life started to change for the better. I changed churches and got involved again doing things that I knew would connect me back to a better life and provide structure for the kids, such as singing in the choir and joining a Bible study. 
In May 1996, I met a man while working for a company in Orange County. We seemed to get along and had a great relationship over the phone. In my lack of self-esteem, I started to think something was wrong with me because he didn’t ask me out until five months later. 
We dated for four years and during that time we shared some of our own challenges, including interference from our respective ex-spouses and the influences they had on our children. We even got to the point of breaking up a couple of times during our dating. 
We attended a remarriage workshop and found that our compatibility was strong. We learned how blended families work and how we needed to support each other in our roles. We also each had a strong personal relationship with God, and I was encouraged that our relationship was what God had planned. 
During this time, he explained a lot of his past and was very open about his family dysfunction as well as his former alcohol and drug abuse. I wondered why I was attracted to another alcoholic and drug addict. But I decided that I was back in my comfort zone of being in control again! 
I believe that I was actually becoming an encouragement in his walk. After all, he must be okay because he had gone over ten years without using drugs or alcohol. 
We married on September 16, 2000. Now life was perfect! NOT! 
My husband was working and traveling out of town a lot. Our “honeymoon” came to a screeching halt one evening in April 2001, just seven months after our wedding, when we got custody of my four grandkids. This caused, over time, a lot of stress in our marriage. 
In January 2002, just thirty days after moving into our new home in Chino, California, my husband had his first heart attack. This could not be happening. I thought that this move would be perfect for the grandkids and wanted to have this guy around for a while! Now I was facing major health issues with him. Again, I thought that I could fix this. He recovered and we were doing well. 
And then just six weeks after my husband was released to go back to work, he had his second heart attack. I stood and watched as the ER team shocked him three times to bring him back! I was overwhelmed with emotion; my whole life was turning upside down! 
I didn’t know where to turn for help as we had just moved into this new home and didn’t know anyone. And then it got worse —he lost his job. Why was this happening to me? 
All of this turmoil and then a few months later, in 2003, my husband dropped the “bomb.” He told me that he didn’t want to be married anymore. I was hurt and overwhelmed with questions. What did I do wrong? What could I do differently? How was I going to make it through this one? I certainly didn’t know how to fix it! All of the “old” feelings of self-esteem, doubt, fear, and guilt were back. 
We tried counseling, and during a session one evening he actually told me that he didn’t love me anymore. He was disconnected from everything: the grandkids, church, recovery, me, everything that I thought mattered to both of us. I was devastated and I needed help to get through this time. I had to turn back to trusting God. 
Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” 
I spoke with my pastor, who helped set up a meeting for my husband with someone from Celebrate Recovery. After meeting with his sponsor and continued Christian counseling, my husband’s attitude began to change. And, praise God, over a period of time, the man I married was back! This whole experience helped me to understand more about Celebrate Recovery, but I still didn’t know how important it would become in our lives together. I realized that this was not just my husband’s problem; I had a role in it too! We both needed the connection with community that we had stopped when we moved out of the area. 
Coming to Celebrate Recovery and going through the step study groups has shown me that it is okay not to be perfect. God loves me just the way He created me. He helped me to heal from the fear and pain of my past and also to show me how to forgive those who have hurt me. 
Ephesians 4:31 –32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” 
God continues to show me how to trust Him with everything in my life. When things get tough, I’m relearning how to let go and let God. I have also learned that being submissive in my marriage means to duck so that God can hit my husband over the head, that God will get his attention and do the fixing and I don’t have to. 
Each week I get the opportunity to watch miracles happen: relationships restored, marriages rebuilt, and lives changed. God is the Great Miracle Worker and Great Healer. I look forward to every Wednesday when I go to Celebrate Recovery. I know that it is a safe place for me. I know that even though there is this tough thing called life that continues to “show up,” I have a place where I can share my experience, strength, and hope with others. 
Romans 15:4 says, “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.” 
God has given me the opportunity to serve as the Encourager on the Celebrate Recovery TEAM, as a leader for step study groups and Wednesday Celebrate Recovery open share groups. 
Thirteen years ago when I became involved with Celebrate Recovery, I had no idea that the tools that I would be learning would help me deal with the issues that would continue to come up in life and issues that I had not yet dealt with. 
I wish that I could tell you that my story ends here, but I am still in recovery for a purpose. Remember that I introduced myself as struggling with sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. In July 2011, I was going to be faced again with, yes, the “elephant” that was still in the middle of the room. It never went away; it just got bigger. 
This time I dropped the “bomb” on my husband. One afternoon, after a weekend away with my sisters, I asked him to talk with me. I had something I wanted to share: I had buried the issue that I was molested by a family member when I was a young girl. 
I didn’t know what to expect from my husband, but I was afraid it was going to mess up our relationship and get ugly. Instead, I was met with love, support, and an attitude of understanding. He stated that he would do whatever it took to get through this newest challenge in our marriage. 
I had assumed a level of guilt as a result of the molestation, because I thought that if I had only said something earlier in life, the molestation of others may not have continued. (This same perpetrator continued the sexual abuse with several other female family members and was also hurting other relationships.) I did try to explain these issues a few years ago to my mom, but received no support from her. 
Principle 6 states, “Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others except when to do so would harm them or others.” “Happy are the merciful” (Matthew 5:7).“Happy are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:9). 
I have since confronted my perpetrator and have expressed forgiveness toward him, something I never would have been able to do without the tools that I have learned in Celebrate Recovery. I have also learned that I “get to” release the shame and guilt that came with being molested and I no longer let that rule me or my decisions. 
Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” 
I still have a long way to go — more healing is necessary — but I know there is a safe place where I can go to share my issues with others who have similar hurts in their pasts. I desire to be an example of hope for others who struggle with abuses like these. 
Another key area where Celebrate Recovery has played a huge role is when I lost my sister Bonnie, who went to heaven to be with Jesus in 2011. The outpouring of love and support from Celebrate Recovery has allowed me to grieve appropriately. I am always being made aware that my Forever Family continues to grow beyond what I ever thought it could be. 
Today, I “get to” serve side by side with my husband, as we share the passion for recovery and try to be the best examples of God’s mercy, grace, and love toward others. It is my desire to be the best wife, mother, nana, and leader that I can be. 
I walk with the joy that is in me and with the hope that others will step out of denial and into God’s grace. 
In closing, God never wastes a hurt and He wants us to share our victories and to be an example of His unending mercy and grace to others. 
Thank you for letting me share.